GRIEF IS FUNNY..
I consider myself to be a pretty light hearted person most of the time, while being incredibly serious all the same. I guess I am kind of weird, ok, so, maybe a lot weird. I have always been a bit different than anyone else I knew. It was only recently, in the past few years that I have started to attract to me like minded people. People who also want to live a good positive life and be genuinely kind to themselves and each other. I have also learned to rid myself quickly of anyone who treats me unkind or has a tendency to anchor me to a negative situation or outcome. This has freed me, my life, my soul from so much.
I have spent the past year completely and totally devoted to making my business work. Obsessed, some would say. I used to say that I was building a business, I now say that I am building an Empire. A business just seemed like something anyone could have, I feel like, I deserve an Empire. From the moment I wake up, every single second of my day is devoted to building my business. From designing, creating, marketing, advertising and development every second is full until I go to sleep. I literally lay in the bed at night designing new bags until I fall asleep. I have really not let anything derail me. My real friends support me. They encourage me. Tell me that if there is going to be someone in my life, they will be happy just being in the same room with me, even if I need to be working on something to do with my shop. They provide for me encouraging words, uplifting support and all the things I need. Then, this week happened.
If you cannot tell, I am kind of a talker. Up until my mid 30's I had always felt like what I had to say was not important. That I had no value, no worth, no importance. Well, a man entered my life that help me see all of that differently. He helped me find my voice. He helped me learn to speak with conviction, even when no one was listening. He taught me that I was important, if only to me, and that was enough, because that is ALL that matters. All that matters is that when I look in the mirror, I love what I see. I learned to be happy with who I am, no matter what anyone else said about me. At the beginning of this past week, he passed away.
The grief from his passing kind of set me back on my heels. I backed away from the business a bit. I have found myself roaming around Facebook in some of the rooms. Chatting with people that I normally would not have met. Playing games that I would not have played otherwise. Doing things that I would normally consider mindless and a waste of time. I guess I am trying to keep my mind busy. Grief is funny, not funny haha, but funny weird. What it does to you and the way it makes you completely evaluate your life and the way you are living it. I became a better person and I have a better life because this man came into mine. I was blessed to have met him, blessed to be in his presence and touched by his knowledge and teachings. Honored to have been able to learn from him. Now I have to figure out a way to carry on his legacy in a way that would make him proud.